Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
-Psalm 139:23-24
I am convinced that one of the primary reasons many of us struggle to draw near to God in an earnest, deeper way is because we know that such a pursuit may initially involve a painful, even excruciating encounter. What misbehaving child seeks out the offended authority figure? How many of us avoid prescribed medical exams and precautionary procedures not only because of the dread of discomfort or humiliation, but also for fear of what the good doctor may find?
Yet to properly seek God requires that we consistently wade through the proverbial muck and mire to truly come clean. The saints of old in the Roman Catholic Jesuit tradition called this kind of daily reflection the Prayer of Examen and various forms of this spiritual exercise remain today[1]. The Latin word means the examining or discerning of conscience, conveying the idea of our ongoing need for an accurate assessment of the true condition of our soul.
Richard Foster, in his attempt to exhume this practice, describes what we might call the ditches on either side of the path to intimacy with God. On the one side, if left to our own devices, we will be tempted to justify ourselves and too quickly excuse ourselves, proclaiming "it is well with my soul" when in reality it is not. In the opposite ditch lie those of us who have declared ourselves unredeemable. In either case, as inauthentic worshippers, we are resigned to prayers that ring hollow even in our own ears.
How can we avoid these pitfalls? Foster writes,
"In the examen of conscience we are inviting the Lord to search our hearts to the depths. Far from being dreadful, this is scrutiny of love...There is therefore no need to repress, suppress or sublimate any of God's truth about ourselves. Full, total self-knowledge is the bread by which we are sustained. A yes to life means an honest recognition of our own evil, but it is also a yes to God, who in the midst of our evil sustains us and draws us into His righteousness."[2]{tweetme}We need the illuminating work of the Holy Spirit to see ourselves rightly and to reveal anything that might hinder us in our walk with God, that it may be exposed then expunged.{/tweetme} Practitioners point to the value of journaling and traversing this journey in the company of friends. I encourage you to do both.
Is anything holding us back? Are we willing to open ourselves up to the gracious scrutiny of the Holy Spirit?
He's waiting for us.
[1] Mars Hill, http://marshill.org/pdf/sp/PrayerOfExamenLong.pdf
[2] Richard Foster, Prayer, p. 31
Don Weiss
Ministry Director at Harvard College
Don is originally from the Midwest and became a follower of Christ in his senior year at the University of Iowa. Prior to launching Christian Union's Christian leadership development program at Harvard, he gratefully served as a pastor in Northampton, Massachusetts, but could not resist the opportunity to return to campus ministry.Previous stops with Cru include the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Cornell, and he served as a civilian chaplain at West Point. Don is ordained and has an MDiv from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary.
Don lives in Boston with his wife, Sally Anne, and their two teenage sons, Luke and Jonathan. They are grateful to live and serve in the city where they first met.
